coming full circle and returning to oneself

I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft…

Jim Morrison

This is a bit of a long story, but I want to share it with you because you are important, and what your care about matters to me. What you desire matters to me, so grab a cuppa and settle in, take my hand, and come on a little unknown journey with me…

This all may come as a shock to you, but here I am, 17 years old, sitting on the living room floor surrounded in vinyl, LP’s and 45’s scattered every which way as I delve into what song and what lyrics come next.

What am I doing?

Well, in a sense, I was recording podcasts 40 years into the future. Yes, you read that right, I was recording and producing podcasts, before they even existed.

Of course, I did not know that at the time, but what I did know, was this was my destiny. Songwriter, musician, DJ, radio broadcaster/podcaster, were all laid out for me on that living room floor surrounded in the great albums of yesteryear, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, David Bowie, just to name a few.

As much as I may have been seen as this quirky, oddball teen, I knew I was born for higher things, greater things, than my assembly line factory job of making transformers for stereos and testing speaker woofers and sub woofers.

Fast forward 40 years, extensive travel through third world and developing countries, 7 novels, hundreds of short stories (some of which were published) and thousands upon thousands of poems, and songs, a career in education and finance, a marriage or two, many a death, illness, divorce, owning property to homelessness, two many jobs to count, countless kittens and cats, rats, rabbits, birds, goldfish, 2 dogs, roughly 30+ moves, loss, grief, joy, happiness, love … this list is endless and it’s still going because I am thankfully still alive.

yet…

I have come full circle, returned home to the oneness of self. Who I was sitting on that living room floor, with the burnt orange drapes, the floral clashing colours of browns and reds in the old thread bare carpet, the orange stereo unit, the tape deck, microphone, headphones, a guitar I’m learning to play, synthetic wigs, music and books, books and music.

It was all magick 💫

It was my den. My solitude. My bliss. I worked hard on that assembly line, day shifts, overtime and weekends, but Friday nights were mine. Mine to explore at the nearest record store and book shop. These were nights of sheer bliss, rifling through all the albums or singles I could afford from my weeks earnings after bills had been paid, with enough left over for another Stephen King or James Herbert book.

Here I am.

Here I stand before you, with a different microphone, headphones, music and books, the house is different, the carpet different, yet still old, the curtains, purple and pink, still surrounded in those albums and books (well most of the books are gone except for Stephen King) the guitar, the same but different, two keyboards, a DJ controller and a computer with software instead of a tape deck, professionally mixed and produced music for streaming on Spotify and Deezer, and DJ mixes/mashups and radio shows.

Really the only thing that has changed is the timeline, the future I perceived back then, is now the present. What I dreamed of back then is now a reality.

In all its fullness and in all its glory, I am me, that was always me. The me that was I and the I that was me. The one that was ridiculed for being different, weird, strange and to give up the dream, because that’s all it will ever be, nothing more than a hobby, get a real job and make something of yourself, they all said.

I did all that and more.

Once you realise who you are and what you are born to be, nothing, and I mean nothing will get in the way of your destiny.

The only thing stopping you from fulfilling your dream, is when you give up on your aspirations and they become a distant memory.

Just because I played the game for awhile, the mortgage, the pets, the car, the partner, the career, and every responsibility that comes with it, I never, ever stopped believing. Never stopped creating. Even if it was only in the recesses of my mind because my chosen life consumed all my time.

My heart. My desire never, ever waned.

You’re still here?

Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me, and thank you for still being here. Thank you for your love, your support, and most of all thank you for enjoying what I bring to the table. It means the world to me.

You mean the world to me. For without you in my world, it would be pointless, it would be grey and meaningless behind the shade of all that it seems in its seamlessness.

I love you!

Side Note:

SHADOW DANCE drops 27/4/23. Join my Patreon to gain early access to the Official Music Video or click here to pre-save, so you get it as soon as it drops.

Drop your favourite emoji or a comment if this post resonated with you/

Until next time, with love from my 💜 to yours
Samira xo

Stay seXy, Stay wYld, Be free

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